


i can't make you love me (and i don't want to anymore).

by nikospyrr



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter/Funhaus RPF
Genre: F/M, barbvin, turnfree
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-11
Updated: 2014-02-11
Packaged: 2018-01-11 23:01:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,239
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1178989
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nikospyrr/pseuds/nikospyrr
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>he smiles and it’s not that you feel your heart flutter, it’s drops and stays there, as you remember that he’s not just yours anymore.</p>
            </blockquote>





	i can't make you love me (and i don't want to anymore).

you ignore the ache in your chest as you scroll through your feed, skipping past the flirting and banter. you avoid the right hallway when you hear the giggling, even though it’d be a lot easier to pass through instead of going around and rousing kara from her morning nap just to open the front door. you skip lunch when you hear about the red haired visitor from LA, stationed at the kitchen table, waiting because he’s busy doing a let’s play. you’re giving everyone half-smiles and eye rolls, but you try hard to make sure a pun is said, just so that no one notices. you avoid and ignore, because the ache isn’t as strong when you do (but you wince inwardly because you know it’s a lie).

you ignore the way his hair is soft and messy, his eyes bright and content, his voice low and husky in the mornings when you pick him up for help on your office coffee runs. you keep from hooking your arms together as you go for movies at the alamo, keep from stealing his pizza in the middle of the movie, keep from anything that suggests anything more because you can’t bear to hear him say to the waitress, “oh, we’re not together,” because a lifetime ago he would’ve said the opposite with a goofy smile and a joking kiss to your hair. you hold yourself back from inching up closer to his warmth when you’re both walking to your car late at night, because tonight was date night and geoff took the car alone. you resist sighing out loud when he wraps an arm around your waist instead, rubbing your shoulder because he knows how much you hate the cold. you ignore and keep back, because you hate that he can do this to you at all.

you see the way he looks at her, his eyes always taking in the auburn hair and brown eyes the way you know he never looked at your blond and blue. you giggle and roll your eyes when he shows you the sweater he found, you nod when he says it’ll be perfect for her to wear, and you avoid saying that it’s the one you left on the couch that night you slept over because you never want to be the reason his smiles fall. you watch him fumble in the kitchen trying to find his — no their — favorite tea, when you know that it’s right next to the pantry because you both decided that no one will think to look for tea there. and when he asks you where it is, his eyes pleading, you tell him where it is because you can’t stand to look at him when he’s upset. when you’re helping out burnie late at night and he says, “where’s gavin? i love my favorite foreigners together, my barbara & gavin,” you roll your eyes but you take a deep breath, because it’s been a long time since you’ve said his name.

sometimes you get angry, at him, at her, yourself. you go home with smudged mascara and a snarl, but as soon as you unlock the apartment and stand in your living room, you realize your idiocy and cool down. you force yourself to open the fridge, to make food before you force yourself to eat it and plop yourself in front of the tv, and force yourself to try and perfect halo 3 all on your own. you keep your hands busy, away from your phone or the laptop because you know when you do you’ll open up messages and shoot him a text. it’s normal, it’s routine to talk before sleep; but not anymore. he has someone else to talk to, to hold close at night, not yourself with your puns and stupid dick jokes. you start painting again, and vlogging too, even if it’s just a couple minutes in front of the camera rambling. you save them all and keep moving, because the world’s not gonna notice that you’re coping.

you don’t wonder why he saw her and not you, because you’ve known each other for so long it’s natural to skip over each other. you don’t wonder what if when he says, ‘’that would be her name if she married me,” because the two of you have talked about marrying each other just for visas so often it was hardly something to daydream about anymore.

one day lindsay and michael are over, because you wanted to check out a movie that she likes and the two of you figured it would be nice to have a sleepover together, michael joining in because he loves the movie maybe even more than his fiancee. as you figure out how to finish the sugary desserts she’s on your laptop and she finds the videos. she puts in some headphones and listen to you ramble, about the company, about rwby, about your skin care routine, and about him. she passes the laptop and headphones to michael and he watches you pour your heart out, then checking your watch, cursing and shutting off the camera. you don’t catch them at all, so when she’s in the kitchen and the laptop’s on the counter and michael’s staring at you with big sad eyes behind her, you don’t know what to say. you stay silent as she takes the chocolate bowl from your hands, but you sob quietly when she wraps her arms around you. you have no idea why you’re crying but, she’s comforting and shorter than you, but you can imagine them both shielding you from the ache that’s in your chest whenever you see him.

since then you don’t catch yourself avoiding the right hallway when he’s on the phone with her, or skipping lunch when she’s in austin. you actually get to eat the really good pasta from last night before joel takes it and you and her talk for a long time about yang’s backstory (you promise to have miles pencil in her name for the story writing credits). you even bump your shoulder against his when he walks out the achievement hunter office, and you smirk when you hear his amused scoff as you keep walking. you’re smiling more, and bevs with the three of you aren’t as quiet. you join the banter of the two of them and make dumb jokes because you love seeing the notifications from the people you know you’ve made laugh.

you two joke around in the car on office coffee runs, and are belting out roar at stoplights. you notice him (as if you’ll ever stop) and he looks even more relaxed than before. you hold lindsay’s hand when it’s the four of you at the alamo’s and it’s michael and him giggling when the waiter compliments your ‘open and happy relationship.’ at their wedding, you and him are in the bridal party, and when each of the groomsmen have a speech he brings you up with him, because one night you both compose the single greatest speech that it wouldn’t make sense to say it alone. “congratulations to the lovely jones, we hope your days are filled with love and happiness. from your friends, your barbara & gavin.” and when the guests that know you two stand and applaud, you smile wider than you have in months because it’s been a long time since you’ve said his name.


End file.
